Cordial

The time we spend,
the time we spare
in passing, a small
“Hello”- hug to share

And beneath your eyes
What’s lying there?
Love, warmth, and a smile
Or bitter-sown tears

If I could hold your heart
Would it just slip away
Between the strength of my grasp,
Try as I may?

To hold and to help,
but it’s just too late
To navigate that chance
I’ve surrendered to fate

“Hello”- hugs and goodbye’s
Though, I promise to you
A hope and a prayer
And warm thoughts too

From this distance
God bless you – sincerely and true
Scarred and still tattered
I still love you

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

If I Could Paint the Picture

…soft tones
to describe the heart, the reason
You are here
inside of me I know
you saved me
and gave me the liberty
I need
to be me

…thin strokes
anchors love and hate –
and in-between the flaw
of never truly
knowing what I know
when I think
I begin to
know what
those two words
really mean

…harsh strokes
for the unnecessary pain
an endless thought
of a drawn out
game
after game I tried
and heard
a spell of a yell
for every time
I played the fool

…thick folds
to uncover what
i don’t really know
how you stand
where you stand…
on my head
in my hands
on my heart
at my feet …
i stand by myself

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

My Prayer

For me– for me
the purity that only comes
from repentance
I am Sorry
for every fault and sin
that flows through my veins
and seeps through
my existence into Your
sight.
I’m stuck in night.
Crowded by darkness
Within and throughout
Surrounded and drowning
The depth found me out.
I need your joy Lord
– Your peace,
in this
–    Your peace
to ease this dis-ease
–    Your peace, to cover
To love me – Your lover
and daughter
Servant-friend
Darkness and pain
for days without end.
Give me the strength
to love and serve
To give Lord, to grow
To bow so I can know.
Don’t break me, but
make me – so I’ll
see Your way.
I need Your hope Lord
for after today.
Today Lord, even for today

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Without You Here (Preteen/Teen)

(This poem was originally written in French. My French was not that great, but I think the French makes it more beautiful)

Without you here,
Without your kiss,
Without your embrace…
without  your tomorrows
And all this pain
because I am not happy
without you.
And I know it is not often that I do the things that are right, perfect,
or the best for you.
But now I see…

I am here.
Imperfect, like the words I’ve said before
Afraid, like my heart
the first time you held me.
Alone, like the nights
before you saved me.
If you could, if you would
love me once more…

I would call you the sun,
but the sun can often blind me
from the beauty all around
I thought of you as an innocent breeze
But the wind can leave, or slowly die
Nothing on this earth can describe you
Because, in you, all other things are made beautiful
And, in you, my beauty can become
my reality.
In you, I have found my innocence.

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Internally

“Hah”. I breathed…
and I breathed again.

You are no one for me
to need to exhale.

Not the man I thought,
nor the love,
the dream…
not the overwhelming
feeling of completion

When you rested there

reasoning the rhythm
of my heart
against the pulse
that strummed

between my thighs.

You laid
you arose
and I am corrupted.

A shadow of a hope
that failed me again.

you aren’t the one,
who is the one?
You weren’t the one.

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

I Am Sorry

Now I can see I was made for you
These tears that I cried,
 I cried for you
The mistakes I made, baby
all for you. So lost,
I was wrong
trying to hold on to
this love, sweet love – a life built for
two. Deceptions and
misconceptions
to reach you, ‘cause I feel like
you can’t see
The danger a stranger can bring to
our sanctuary. It shouldn’t be that I treat
you like a cheat because of my past
shame, faults, and defeat
Now I see the situation so clearly
it is what i allowed it to be
and the concern, grew to an obsession.
A CSI – my profession.
And trust gone
I deserved. Trust lost,
you didn’t earn.
my responsibilities don’t
match my priorities
How to make us whole again?

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Hurts to Heal

My heart is still empty
as you may find – still
warring with demons
I thought I left behind.
And lost in emotion
while lacking devotion –
though I want to be true.
In my heart be true.

It still stings – the wound
when I get too close
To comfort it
I can’t contain it – shrilling
sounds. The pain, it’s real
Down to the core of me
and I want to close that door
Mortify it all,
but it hurts too much to heal.

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Let’s Be True

Let’s be true, I am still looking at you
as you would say, seeing through you
deep into,
eyes that know places I can’t get to
and shouldn’t want to
this intrigue should be through!!

Let’s be true, I am spending a lot of time with you
and as you know me, I want to know you.
Aaaaaaaaahh… but this situation is nothing new
and I should know better
than to let
this get….

Let’s be true, I don’t always feel you,
but the times I do
what should I do?
Should I run again,
Like when
I was afraid of where
I may find myself in a tomorrow or two?

Or should I ‘woman up’
and not destruct
the safe distance that I am trying
to get to … but you
don’t realize I can’t let you
invade my space,
get me to the place
where I am bouncing between
my fear and ….

Let’s be true, I’ve had enough of you
Not you, but the voices attached
to you. Your presence in mine –
Every eye
Every mouth, with words
to despise – or mention – it lies
you would be a reason to compromise.

Let’s be true, I can’t get enough of you
Want to flow with you
drawn to you
Feel all the heat that is
beneath you
But if I only knew
the hurt this could lead to
then I’d really BE true:
There can be no me and you.

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

I Cried

Mother, I cried for you
curled up in a chair
satiny-teared, you weren’t with me there
hours alone, folded in fear
— a second more I would have died
I would’ve died waiting for you

Liar, I cried for you
as I roll slowly down
with love I waited, as you hated
from the door, to the bed, to the ground
Hours alone, nowhere to be found
— a second more I would’ve died
I would’ve died loathing you

Sister, I cried for you
the sweetness in my song
you I chose. You were MY choice
To make right what I saw so wrong
I wish I knew you weren’t – before you were gone
— a second more I would’ve died
I would’ve died loving you

Father, I cried for you
wishing you were my knight
I waited for you – to save me
to hold me, love me, just make it alright
but it was me alone losing the fight
— a second more, I would have died
I would’ve died looking for you

Faker, I cried for you
after the storm, pretending to be the sun
you left me – the wreckage
Took from the heart of me, although you knew you weren’t the one
Harvested my destiny before it ever begun
– – a second more, I would’ve died
I would’ve died feenin’ for you

Watcher, I cry for you
because you’re so much closer, yet still so far away
You deserve more, yet you call me
for a lifetime, not just a day
I still don’t know how you could stay
— a second more I would’ve died
I would have died wanting to be whole for you

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Rumplestilskin

Look at me…really look into my eyes

Don’t you see me begging you to stop

This disturbing rhythm

pounding against me in certainty?

Asking you to ward off the kisses that seemed to leave the after taste of some feverish passion?

I know, uncharted territory coming from the queen of pseudo-controlled games,

and still the ever-familiar adversary of the word

‘NO’.

… and still it pierces me, the reasons for my own indiscretions

The purpose for all this in the first.

In the middle of the traffic of woes and compromise

Ridiculous silence and undeserved misnomers:

If not effortlessly, then painfully so,

the desire for a Superman with all the hugs

I’ll ever need.

Not even an ear, I can live without speaking.

For all this I am sorry,

and for the very cravings of your affections –

those that I so jealously wanted to receive and

‘cause I never told you sometimes it hurt.

Rumplestiltskin.

© 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Closer (Preteen/Teen)

Flawless words flood my mind
that I just can’t say
Depths and heights of “I love yous”
that just won’t go away.
Hopes for so many tomorrows,
that I didn’t plan on wanting today
Somehow he’s gotten a little bit closer
and now I want him to stay

Secrets resting on my tongue
but somehow I can’t speak
Strong enough to keep him
and now my heart is getting weak
Knowing that it can’t deny
the perfection touching my cheek
Somehow he’s gotten a little bit closer
and now I can’t be discrete

Imperfect words flood my lips,
but only my heart makes a sound.
This sudden feeling of happiness
as my feet are leaving the ground.
I can’t measure how safe I feel
just as long as he’s around
Somehow he’s gotten a little bit closer
and I’ll draw closer to this love I’ve found.

© 2010 – 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Gaze

Do I see me gazing?

Yes.

and I try not to.

When I notice,

I look away

into nowhere, because you

are definitely somewhere

that I want to be…

Doing things

that I want to do

Resting my hands

on yours

as you move them

My feet in

your prints, so that

I’ll be where you are

my thoughts in

yours to make sure

yours run into

mine.

and I am amazed

the strength of my

gaze

when I forget to

turn away

hasn’t made you  say

Stop.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

A Voice For You

I’ve opened many closets
that many refused to see –
Because you choose to store the pains
That you so desperately need to be free

And I’ll keep on breaking down walls
That hide every shame and fear
Crying for every moment you didn’t cry
Until you let go of every tear

I’ll write the truth you’ll never say
So you’ll see that you’re never alone
Breaking, to rebuild your desolate dreams
Nurturing your silenced heart, where it should have grown

I’ll unmask every sheltered feeling
Mistaken for love, rendered a need
I’ll share with you, the dangers of your hunger
Giving real food to the parts that you’d refuse to feed

See your reflection in my words
Mark your hurt on the things I’ll share
To help another before their cries are hushed
Or before they lose hope there’s ‘another one’ out there

To help you gain a voice is all I want to do
But as long as you’re silenced, I’ll be a voice for you

© 2010 – 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Salvation Sonnet

When I think of my great Savior, I bow
My head in shame of my darkness and sin
But then I lift my hands in praise that now
I am forgiven, clean, and whole again
He laid aside his crown that He could see
And feel the sorrow of the human race
Offering truth and love in hopes that we
Would accept His gift of eternal grace
Instead, he received our hate and loathing
As he was tried and jailed without reason
Stripped of dignity, along with His clothing
He was punished, until death received Him
Ladened with the stripes of iniquity,
By these same wounds He gave us liberty

© 2010 – 2012, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Liar

I know I said all the wrong words

I am sorry – I didn’t mean them,

but you…

You promised me love

The God-type of love

Not the love you have given me

When I dream, I remember

when you said that I come first.

Was that what you meant by

blaming me,

condemning me,

constantly reminding me,

Burning my skin with the wrath of your hand?

And what you say now

isn’t what you heard yesterday.

What I do know

won’t be what I do tomorrow

because the semi-fresh sting

of your finger tips is pulsing

now on my face, and I won’t let myself

hurt you like that again.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

On A Drive By

I arrest my thoughts

to keep a steady pace

To make the moment last

To take in the same air you

breathe

— When you stand in

this spot to get to

the garage

— or to talk to the neighbors

the way you always do

With that heightened

sense of glee that

tickles your regular tone

Or at least strays from the

mono-tone

That you give to me

To let me know you’ve

grown comfortable enough

to not have to produce that

sun-shiny glee in my presence.

It’s a saddened state,

the reality that lies behind

closed doors.

To know that because

I am so close

I am pushed so much

farther away

from your charms,

your wit,

the lightness of heart

you feel – they see …

When taking in

my next breath in

this spot.

Your spot.

The gleam from the

lamp light, the one on

the top shelf

in your bedroom,

serves as my beacon home.

To the warm, worn, floral

comforter that

subdues your bed

– and the light smell

of your sweat

that stains the atmosphere

and my every sphere

until my gaze is caught

by the oncoming lights…

why am I here?

“Oh. I was just passing

through – didn’t know

I would see you!”

And with a monotone

“Yeah”, I stray

behind – secretly

following the

hint of your aroma

to the opened door.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Lost

I see him the same

but I know he is not.

His touch doesn’t burn

like a fire

dancing to taunt

a naïve moth.

His kiss doesn’t

linger

for me to taste the

sweetness

of a deeper caress

I’ve longed to know.

His eyes no longer

call me to his

sanctuary –

nor to any place

safe and warm.

So, you see,

I see him the same.

He does look the

same. but I

know

he is not.

He is not my love.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Whore

Let’s be real, its me all me…

day and night fighting, deciding, taunting

my own mind into a frenzy…who am I?

Sexual only because of another’s sexuality

entering my innocence,

my imagination

my experimentation

my need…is it a need? Who am I?

And this God, I say I love

But I ignore consistently.

This life I want to live, that I fall short of

Daily

I think I should just give up…

The part of me that wants to play

is so much bigger than the one

that will kneel and pray

and say…

I am sorry, I am so strange

unlike real Christians it seems I can’t change.

That the evil in me just calls and haunts.

With images, and touches, and words

from my own lips…and smirks

from my quirks that slip

From memory into reality

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Words

I am surprised I have

words for you –

but I do.

For a moment, I want to let you know

it’s more. It’s more.

You’re more

than I could say…

because a hint of fear

surrounds my atmosphere.

So I am concealing words that

I am afraid may make the

difference between

a heart won,

and one broken.

And I couldn’t stand

to fall at the pieces.

So I have words, just a few.

Enough so you

can hear

that my heart beats

and is not empty.

I have room.

And words,

that are more

than mutual

‘I love yous’

whispered

in the night.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

When I Dreamed This

When I dreamed this, I felt so fulfilled

Like I could rest for the first time,

The depth of me realized.

My hero could see right

Through the very heart of me

Sheltering every part of me

With words unspoken, materializing

The very love I need.

And then you came, and rousted

This dream in me again

First as an honest friend

And then, with my heart on the mend

You stepped right in

And as I walked with you

I saw in you

A builder, willing to pull through

In spite of me

Constantly

Wearing and tearing away

At my inability

To accept the good you brought to me.

But now, oh now

You are so far from a fantasy.

No longer a knight

Part nightmare, part

Of the reality

That one sees when

Two lives try to form

Into one being

I thought our essences

Would be so intertwined

What was yours?

– now mine

And in me

An endless drink

Of all you would ever need

But your life remains your own

And my soul is already

Dried up and worn

I have nothing left

To give, and you

Kept something for yourself

If only I was wise enough to know

This truth before

Freely giving all

Away

Part knight, part nightmare

As all I have now

Are dreams –

Spirited ideas

Without a vat to hold

Or remember

What it is I was looking for

In the first place

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Numb

Sight…

I am here, far in the distance

But your vision pulls me in

Disclosed at your whim

I am numb.

Thought…

I am here, in the center of your mind

My name is Desired, Queen on this throne

No choice of my own

I am numb.

Acquainted…

I know your name, you’ve chosen to honor mine

The stench of your charm rests on your brow

You can reach me now

I am numb.

Together…

You and I are we, the result of your design

In time, enchanted words flow from your mouth

Sincerity I can not doubt

I am numb.

United…

We decide, with heart and soul, to body join

I can only start, you can only do the rest

Your satisfaction at best

I am numb.

Everlasting…

Sacred vows flow from your lips into eternity

Returned promises are forever mine to keep

I won’t lose sleep

I am numb.

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Sometime

Is it a thought in your mind?

My smile, my hips – the feeling of

my lips on your fingertips

As you go on, move on

Like the ways, we gazed

in a haze never phased you

If I had the choice again

Would I have baited you, as you

baited me.

I don’t know…

maybe you do! If you thought

of it…once in a while…

sometime

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Yesterdays

Sit down beside me, settle down

Close yourself off from these things all around

Time is yours and right now it’s wasting

I’ll get to it, if you’ll just be patient…

I want to know if you can see me, feel me – really

beyond everyone’s theories. We

both know that I have a history

As stories go, there is no mystery

Sometime ago I gave the best

part of me. Partially, it startled me

When I was left cold and alone

while my lover laughed heartily

And, in my pain, I ran to others

again and again. I thought a touch

was enough to erase the ‘who’ and ‘when’

But past is past, and believe me

I’ve moved passed it.  I’ve got to ask,

do you just want to quit? I would hate it if

we had an opportunity and we missed it

Others have fainted under the weight

and drifted.  Before you judge, just consider

if things were shifted: Where would you be if

only your ‘yesterdays’ existed?

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.

Again

Never thought I’d see the day

like this again – when

I’d revert back to the hurt

girl I was before – but

here we go again having

the same conversation and

the same bitter tears to mark

the emergence of this ‘me’

I didn’t know I could be – and

never thought I would ever

be again – It’s a sad day when

‘I’m sorry’s and ‘I appreciate you’s

lose all their weight – ‘cause we’ve

been here before and weren’t

meant to come this way

again – but I guess like the Chosen

wanderers I’ll circle the mountain

until… and see if I can grow

somehow – but for now

it seems I am truly just

infantile, and while I am this

way I know I am not worthy

of your love

© 2010, Caela Strong. All rights reserved.